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Tuesday Hatred: Opinionitis

In the memorable words of my erstwhile young German colleague whose English language skills were even more imperfect than mine: “Let’s get loose!”.

I hate people who want me to share in their overdose of opinions. I am not referring to opinionated people. Everybody hates opinionated people, it is constitutive of the meaning of ‘opinionated’ that the people who it modifyingly refers to are hateful. I am referring to people who call everything an outrage or who see in any event a sign of the end of civilized times (as if we had the good fortune of having a history in which there was any time at all that deserved the modifier ‘civilized’).

Such people have kind of an infection going on which is not sufficiently reached by their blood vessels and which therefore festers into a highly inflammable state of mind (if this metaphor doesn’t work it doesn’t, I’m not a doctor). A symptom of an advanced stage of opinionitis is the going on-line and decrying this, that and the other. The disease is beyond cure if such a going on-line ends in the verbal equivalent of throwing their arms up in despair whilst shaking their heads in despair of the lack of basic human understanding of their internet interlocutors (or their naïveté or lack of morality or various cocktails of all of the before). Once at this stage of development the final symptom will arise whether or not the going on-line is done in a context of like-minded spirits or to-be-provoked opponents.

I know this because I came ever so close to doing that. In the meantime however my erstwhile young German colleague is middle-aged.

It is not so much that I hate the people but that the people do not allow me to hate their opinions without also having to be committed to hating them personally. In general, My love is as deep as shallow is my hatred. If they would listen (this is a counter-factual for purely rhetorical purposes) I would tell them: you can hate the world but you can’t run from it.  In fact they could, but they won’t because people suffering from opinionitis are convinced that the world would truly go down the drains if they were not in it. They are by the way also convinced the world will go down the drain if they are in it, so it’s safe to assume that they generally feel entertained by the world being doomed whatever anybody including they do in it.

I, from my side, would be entertained by seeing little tiny jagged edge knifes being thrown at them for each opinion that is a crucial one in their view. These knifes would get lodged in particularly painful places, would be too small to be extricated manually but too big for them to resist the temptation of doing so. If this is not a scene in the Divina Commedia it should be (my Dante expert suggests this one is close):

This has been longer than intended. It has also been more opinionated then intended. I guess I have to see it from that side too, as much as I hate to see it from any other side at the present moment.

Anyway, dear readers, I would hate it very very much if you would resist the temptation to utter your strong opinions on this matter in comments. Resisting that temptation would mean that you would not become regulars at The Weblog and, in turn, it would mean that there would be no candidates for the unpaid hating or confessing regular franchises that are open for all applicants that first prove to be regulars. You may hate these rules but there is no playing if you do not first agree to be bound by them.

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June 21, 2011 - Posted by | torture, Tuesday Hatred

13 Comments

  1. I hate the airline industry. Or maybe I hate it for having better funding than the railroad industry because if long distance rail service weren’t ridiculously inconvenient, I’d much prefer that. My wife and I took a trip to New York for our 10th anniversary and on our return flight, our flight was delayed due to weather. Nobody’s fault, really, except that if the plane had arrived on time we wouldn’t have missed the window of good weather. Realizing that added to my hate. Fast forward two-and-a-half hours.

    Our pilot, who should never ever be allowed to speak publicly, told us we had to go back to the gate to comply with the “Passengers’ Bill of Rights” and the three-hours in the cabin rule. He made it sound like we’d have the option of getting off while they re-fueled the plane and let off the people who were cancelling their flights. However, when we actually got to the gate and passengers started standing up, a flight attendant quickly let us know that if we got off the plane our relationship with Delta and that flight were over. So unless we were willing to hugely inconvenience ourselves by trying to find a new flight and risk losing our luggage forever (because it would still be going to Detroit on that flight) we were stuck on the plane until it took off, Bill of Rights be damned.

    Furthering our hate was the fact that they made us check our carry-on baggage, which was worrisome because we had stuck somewhat delicate souvenirs we had purchased in our carry-on because we knew we could treat it more delicately than the airline employees would. Sure enough, after we checked it I looked out the window of our plane to see the baggage handlers roughly tossing it around. “There go the souvenirs, I joked”. Except that once we finally landed – four hours late – it turned out to be prescient rather than jocular. So when our ride showed up to take us back to my mom’s house and our car, we had airline horror stories for them instead of the gift we had purchased (lame as said gift may have been, but that’s not the point).

    I hate that this experience was at the end of a fantastic trip.

    Comment by Matt in Toledo | June 21, 2011

  2. I hate smells produced by other people. I trust they hate I fail to produce a similar cloud of stench, but I really don’t care.

    I also hate this new comment box. I keep pressing the wrong button thinking that it is the right one.

    Comment by Craig McFarlane | June 21, 2011

  3. I don’t hate that Delta responded to the experience described above by promising to send us $200 in travel vouchers. Never underestimate the power of venting to those “How Did we Do” customer service emails.

    Comment by Matt in Toledo | June 21, 2011

  4. I hate the tired ritual of the “encore”, wherein the band leaves the stage, but the house lights stay down, and the audience is obliged to demonstrate its obeisance to the band by clapping and cheers, and then the band comes out again, just as they knew they would. Sometimes this happens twice or even thrice! In all my born days I’ve only once witnessed what I would call a real encore, wherein the band comes out after the house lights have come up.

    Just play your fucking set!

    Comment by ben | June 21, 2011

  5. 4 is exactly right. I would gather signatures at the farmer’s market to put an encore ban on the ballot.

    Comment by Josh K-sky | June 21, 2011

  6. “In all my born days I’ve only once witnessed what I would call a real encore, wherein the band comes out after the house lights have come up.”

    Was it Pearl Jam?

    Comment by Craig | June 21, 2011

  7. Radiohead, actually.

    I was going to say I’d witnessed it twice, with the Ex as the other example, but I couldn’t actually remember if the house lights were up for their last encore. That was a fucking awesome concert, though.

    Comment by ben | June 21, 2011

  8. I feel provoked.

    Comment by Guido Nius | June 22, 2011

  9. Dave Matthews Band was going to be my second guess.

    Comment by Craig | June 22, 2011

  10. That’s better.

    Comment by Guido Nius | June 22, 2011

  11. With that definition, I think I saw Lou Reed do an earnest encore. It followed two fake ones, and despite some of the crowd’s pleading, he steadfastly refused to play Walk on the Wild Side.

    Comment by Matt in Toledo | June 22, 2011

  12. I also hate the new comment box. I hate the unreliability of our internet connection. I hate that I get shitty cell phone reception in my apartment and that my phone wears down the battery very quickly looking for a signal. It’s probably a result of being on the first floor of the building — when I lived on the top floor in Kalamazoo, my battery lasted at least twice as long between charges.

    I hate the degree to which I abused my digestive system over the course of the last couple days.

    And honestly, if you want to do open recruiting for the openings, or to develop new ones, go for it.

    Comment by Adam Kotsko | June 22, 2011

  13. All current main-page posters now have administrator privileges. Go to town.

    Comment by Adam Kotsko | June 22, 2011


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