Jen Doll and Sarah Miller have been having a cute word nerd back and forth about “the worst word on the planet” and I know it’s in fun but it makes me want to claw my eyeballs out, then chew them up, then spit out one of them and swallow the other one so I can throw it up in my mouth a little. Miller hates literally. Doll hates actually. I hate the discussion. Welcome back to Tuesday Hatred.
In fact, Tuesday Hatred has been here before, with respect to “literally.” Literally is a specific kind of intensifier–I like this explanation, from the OED via Language Log, “that some conventional metaphorical or hyperbolical phrase is to be taken in the strongest admissible sense.” For the current anti-”literally” campaign I blame David Cross, who worried that when you said you laughed so hard you literally shit your pants, that you then had to dispose of said pants. “You should stop using the word forever until you fucking figure it out,” says Cross. This was a funny routine! But it’s completely fucking wrong.
Like most language-nerdery, it’s not just factually wrong, but it’s riddled with status anxiety. Continue reading
I hate unnecessary excitement. Almost all excitement is unnecessary. All of this is because people get excited so rapidly that the currency of excitement is suffering from hyper-inflation. My hatred should be the least of anybody’s concern given that the ones really suffering are those which have good reason to get excited.
As a cultural optimist and believer in progress I need to find a away to reason away the tendency to the increasing levels of unnecessary excitement. This is the way: hyper-inflation of excitement is the balance of cultural growth. Progress is made but in order to continue l’élan vital it can only continue to be made if the progress that was made is canceled out in our perception, leading to excitement inflation.
I hate this reasoning because it connects Bergson, Darwin, Smith, Malthus to the crunching logic of monetary affairs and ‘the markets.’ And if there is one great subject of unnecessary excitement it are the markets. In the late 90′s I thought that the world would take a fundamental turn for the worse if the Dow Jones would pass the 10.000 mark. Now I’m convinced it can only take a fundamental turn for the better if people just stop talking about the Dow Jones as having any a meaning outside of its proper technical field. What I mean is that a turn for the better will only be achieved when people just stop talking at all about the Dow Jones or any of its ilk.
Only when people stop talking, let alone get excited, about this can we shed the third most silly human invention (after nationalist violence and the atomic bomb) which is the area of 3-letter acronyms such as Pay for Performance (bonuses), Key Performance Indicators, Balanced Score Card, Sales Incentive Plan, Manage by Objectives etc. &c &c.
It is concepts like these which I ultimately hate with a vengeance because they personalize something which should be a cherished common project: to try to be better than we were because it is better all around. So: fuck you, Six Sigma; fuck you in your black unlubricated hole, Integrated Quality Management. The knowledge we gain on natural processes is to be gained for 1 reason only: to escape the pernicious effects of unknown, and therefore, unconditioned natural processes.
This was it. No more Hatred.
Forget about getting, I am an old man. I’m too mild to hate and those things I do hate are mostly unknown by readers of this site or are things readers of this site like. Neither do I have any confessing left in me, I rarely do stuff that is enough out of the ordinary to warrant confession. If I do, I already tell everybody so there is no edge in retelling it under pseudonym. As to food, I’m not even very good at eating it. Movies I barely watch any and – by the time I see any television worth spoiling – it has been seen by over half of the world already
In fine, it has been fun while it lasted but, before I need to confess that I started hating Tuesday Hatred, it is time to stop. If you’re interested in taking it over ‘click to continue’ below to read all about the process of such a take-over including, in the event no take-over interest is noted, what would be the plan B for Tuesdays.
Before all that let me just share one last genuine hatred with you all. I hated in the abstract the idea of people working like hell for close to 50 weeks in the year just to be able to spent around 2 weeks in a completely thoughtless state enjoying an all-inclusive holiday in a resort. I know have spent 5 days in such a resort & can turn this abstract hatred into a concrete one. Not that The Family didn’t enjoy the holiday, it was sufficiently short and we managed to pick out one thing to enjoy outside of the resort for every non-traveling day. Still, the sight of the same people occupying the same exact pool-side spot on every day comes awfully close to seeing people literally burned to death so slowly that they can’t possibly die as a result of it. It just goes to show how limited Dante’s imagination really was.
My week didn’t suck but my day sure does. Still, I am not an average youth who by the mere fact of wearing standard youth clothing is classified as a hooded criminal. The fear of the strange has always extended to the young. It’s no coincidence that this particular xenophobia coincides with classical racism. Nevertheless, the mere term ‘hooded criminal’ is so strikingly at odds with the near impossibility of buying a non-hooded sweater that it is clear that the dark force is particularly strong in the grey-haired.
It would seem that the older the average age becomes the more a majority of people is convinced that, given their desire to live endlessly, there is no place for anybody below their own age.
I am taken back to the almost forgotten episode of the London riots (I’m sure Cameron, David conversed in a thoroughly educated fashion with Murdoch, Rupert or associates to convince the latter that the former would ensure the status quo if one would endeavor to forget said episode at least until such time as the Olympics would have successfully concluded). Oh, shock and horror, these young criminals were hooded! Oh, terror and surprise, the hooded young are criminals! One would almost be nostalgic for the times where their hair was long and stood upright as if their noses were just pierced.
I hate forgotten episodes. Not because we forgot them but because many of them didn’t deserve to have become episodes in the first place. There is something entirely despicable about getting all excited about events before applying a one year grace period.
I hate useful work. If there is any point to humanity it is to get rid of useful work altogether. One of the secondary benefits of getting rid of useful work is that we would be rid of the useless concept of useless toil as well. In fact, in the here and now the only useful work for human beings is the kind of work that brings humanity closer to there being no useful work at all in any place, for anyone. One of the primary benefits of approximating this blissful state is that less and less people need to endure the meritocratic ritual of having one’s performance assessed. Performance is so 20th century!
I wonder whether any of the experts of GDP’s, debt/capital leverage & the markets’ efficiency is measuring how much of our economic activity is related to us having a rocking good time. I guess none of these productivity freaks is concerned with such whimsical things as the outcome of a mostly intellectual process (note that the outcome of a mostly intellectual process may well be appallingly stupid, for reference just turn on your television). The reason for this is simple: the only measurable thing predicting both the outcome of the process as well as its success is the level of education of producers and consumers alike. Which means that the equation is simple: more education is better. Economists can simply not risk getting this truth out. It is very much like Goodyear and Pirelli having invented an indestructible tire or Tepco a riskless alternative to nuclear power: the only solution is to call Rick Santorum and tell him to denounce the very idea as one not only un-American but positively inspired by the devil.
Anyway, the ratio of things like Britney Spears and movies about Pina Bausch (sorry, Pina) to things like pushing as much stuff as you pushed last year plus 10% is unavoidably going up and, although it may never quite be one, it is getting closer by the day and there is no meritocratic a**hole that can change that simple fact. Unless he’s called Dr. Strangelove that is (and unfortunately the probability of there being an actual Dr. Strangelove is not zero as long as people persist in keeping the option open to give human beings the opportunity to destroy nature whether by big bang or by silent suffocation).
So in summary: the more education the better. Education is the 21st century thing. The first thing to learn is that learning something is a good in itself & a true sovereign in that it cannot serve any worldly purpose outside of itself. With many people stuck in stupid discussions on sovereignty I hereby offer them a face-saving way from the 19th century to a future that is still all too distant.
I could say I hate rambling like this but that would simply be a lie.
My left nostril is the nostril that is on the side of the hand that when held up with thumb horizontal and forefinger vertical is forming an L. This is certain. Many such things are certain however much it is imaginable that hands and fingers could well be arranged in a way that the hand so forming an L would actually be the right hand. Nature is boring, chickens are chickens and the rest of us have knees protruding from our legs in the same direction as our face.
My point being that I hate points.
It will not be too long before somebody will say somewhere: “The Greek Tiger has risen from its ashes like a phoenix.” and not realize that it is the linguistic equivalent of:
Which brings me to a new pet hatred: cats on YouTube, or to be more precise: anything on YouTube. While parents think their children or making grammatical errors on FaceBook or Twitter, what they are really doing is typing in ‘cat slam into glass door’ or ‘fall in hole dressed clown’ or … this is how it must feel to have your brain sucked out of your skull. I hate that the last sentence made me try ‘brain sucked out skull’. Don’t worry, I counterbalanced the bad karma by googling in ‘Santorum’.
Anyway, I have nothing against nature and I hope that the Greeks will Tiger themselves up soon (if only to show the right nutwings that they can go burn themselves to ashes after calling some of us lazy based on nothing else then our physical location and/or ethnic descent) but nature did create Santorum and that’s much worse even than spiders so it cannot be all good.
I hate death. Reports on it are mostly about other people. In that respect it doesn’t differ too much from life. Anyway, death is a real nuisance.You may want it but as far as you know only others actually get it. And in them getting it, it will be you who needs to deal with it. Do you go to the funeral? Or do you break your break from the church rituals by attending the mass the evening before?
If you do attend either the funeral or the mass you will have to face the situation which dwarfs all other situations in awkwardness: to hug or not to hug.You hug and cause offense because the one you hugged was just dressed for the occasion because it is her or his profession to attend such occasions. You don’t hug and cause a family vendetta because you confirm your aloofness, even in the situation of all situations that doesn’t allow you to express any personal characteristic whatsoever. Let alone aloofness.
So I don’t attend and find a pretext to stay away unless the stakes are too high. I am safe when the stakes are high enough as it will be fully acceptable for my behavior to be erratic in that case. But when are stakes high enough to be too high to allow being absent? Continue reading
The essence of life is stress. Life is such that only the strong survive. I am not strong & this wouldn’t be nearly as depressing it it were not the case that there are a great many that are much weaker than I am.
Every second of every minute of every day situations are created that call for taking sides. We need to be decisive in being divisive. There is no escape because all threats are imminent and any opportunity is an emergency. What the world needs is a time out. Or maybe it is just what I need & would gladly share with all of you. I’ll get the drinks from the cooler – please be patient because my stomach is playing up and I may need to sit down above a hole for a while. That’s opportune because it is time I can use perfectly to perfect my time-out speech: Continue reading
I am working too hard on innovative technologies that will shape your lives. It’s not that I hate that but I do hate not having the time to write a proper Tuesday Hatred (assuming there is such a thing, at least coming from my fingers).
I would hate it even more to leave Tuesday blank so I’m going to count on the comments to prop up some decent hatred.
I hate that the cycling season has not yet started. I hate that I forgot why I was excited about the opportunity to hate. I hate that comment threads are getting shorter. I hate that The Wife is out of town this week. I hate that people in Greece feel bad. I hate that nothing out of the ordinary ever happens to me. I hate all these flares of indignation, certainly when they are of the type that self-extinguishes. I hate that Real Madrid-Barcelona is not a possible Champions League final. I hate that consequently Barcelona’s choir boy image and handball way of playing football will remain unchallenged as the culmination point of early XXIst century soccer. I hate that every quarter there is a next quarter. I hate that US elections are as nonsensical as Greek elections. I hate that everybody is all over everybody else and in the meantime finance goes on as always. I hate that I am bound to forget the exact starting hour of one of The Kids’ activities this week. I hate what I have not become.
Dear Readers, if I may: of the many to hate, pray tell which one bothers you most.