The Weblog

Home for the heteronomous

More Music!

Wow. I have to say, this is pretty damn tremendous.

Courtesy of Pat, who describes it thus: “This is what happens when cyborgs cleverly disguised as human beings inhale helium and then decide to show human beings how the ‘borg world rocks out with its cock out.”


February 9, 2009 Posted by | Music | 9 Comments


I now have a complete draft of my dissertation. The very last chapter, which I finished tonight, is perhaps rougher than previous ones, as I’m trying to get something to my advisor for comment before he leaves for an internet-poor region of the world — but the fact remains: it’s a full draft. (Hiring committees googling me take note! Yes, I really am going to finish — not just fishing.)

Perhaps once I’ve gotten to the point where I’m submitting it to my committee in advance of the defense, I’ll actually share my topic with you, my loyal readers.

February 9, 2009 Posted by | academia | 8 Comments

Proposed new terminology

Dating quantum physics refers to situations where you are in a relationship and want to know something about your partner’s future plans, anticipated level of commitment, etc., but you can’t ask because you’re afraid that doing so would disrupt the balance of the relationship. In other words, you can’t measure the situation without changing it — like in quantum physics.

February 9, 2009 Posted by | the science of dating | 43 Comments

The Bible and Bipartisanship

JERUSALEM — King Solomon today completely reversed course on his proposed bipartistan solution to the Multiple Baby Claimant Crisis that has rocked the kingdom in recent weeks, instead favoring a one-sided solution that many analysts say panders to special interests within the True Caring Mothers Party.

“The Israelite people are tired of the same old partisanship coming out of Jerusalem,” said a representative of the Baby Smothering Then Stealing Party who wished to remain anonymous. “Israelites have shown time and time again that they prefer divided infants.”

Early opinion polls suggest that when all Israel heard of the judgement that the king had rendered, they stood in awe of the king, because they perceived that the wisdom of God was in him, to execute justice. But, says the leader of the Baby Smothering Then Stealing Party, a largely agrarian population entirely lacking in telephone technology is notoriously difficult to poll. “Early polls are likely to be limited to the areas of Judah near Jerusalem, which are overwhelmingly liberal. But we are a nation of twelve tribes, and Israelites from Benjamin and Simeon to Zebulun and Naphtali deserve to have their voices heard as well. And isn’t it telling that we so seldom see any polling out of Manasseh and Ephraim, which is the real heartland of Israel?”

When approached for comment, the leader of the True Caring Mothers asked if we knew a reliable babysitter, as she is now estranged from her former roommate.

[Inspired by Ta-Nehisi Coates.]

February 9, 2009 Posted by | politics, religion | 2 Comments

Donald Barthelme Has Nothing On These 52 Stories


I am not wired to be either an especially charitable person or an effective fundraiser, but I really got caught up in the moment on Friday at work and broke character in a major way by agreeing to participate in the 3rd Annual SF Climb California. Depending on your perspective, this is either a marked moral improvement or fundamental flaw. Either way, the case remains the same: I still need to raise at least $100, and I need your help to do so.

What’s in it for you? Well, admittedly, not a lot. Good feelings, I guess, about giving to a “worthy cause” — but you know as well as I do that that only goes so far, and it certainly didn’t compel you to help that guy out on the side of the highway, the one with the dog and the illegible cardboard sign. But who am I to tell you how to spend or contribute your money, be it hard-earned or inexplicably extended to you in the form of credit. Barring your feelings about whether this is a worthy tax deduction, I’ll also accept good feelings about helping me avoid the financial effects (not to mention the direct hit it will inflict on my self-image) of having to donate it all myself. In other words, help a brother out!

More tangibly, you will: get: (a) top-notch blogging about my inadequate physical fitness, and the likelihood of my death as I train and then attempt to climb 52 flights of stairs; (b) nauseauting video coverage of my ascent; and (c) images of scenic California, either from the top of the Bank of America building or from the rear window of the ambulance.

Most important of all, though, your money will go to curing us of lung disease. Once we get that taken care of, we can all go back to smoking with immunity.

So, join me, please … donate what you can, a little or a lot. All will be appreciated.

February 9, 2009 Posted by | Fundraising | Comments Off on Donald Barthelme Has Nothing On These 52 Stories