The Bible and Bipartisanship
JERUSALEM — King Solomon today completely reversed course on his proposed bipartistan solution to the Multiple Baby Claimant Crisis that has rocked the kingdom in recent weeks, instead favoring a one-sided solution that many analysts say panders to special interests within the True Caring Mothers Party.
“The Israelite people are tired of the same old partisanship coming out of Jerusalem,” said a representative of the Baby Smothering Then Stealing Party who wished to remain anonymous. “Israelites have shown time and time again that they prefer divided infants.”
Early opinion polls suggest that when all Israel heard of the judgement that the king had rendered, they stood in awe of the king, because they perceived that the wisdom of God was in him, to execute justice. But, says the leader of the Baby Smothering Then Stealing Party, a largely agrarian population entirely lacking in telephone technology is notoriously difficult to poll. “Early polls are likely to be limited to the areas of Judah near Jerusalem, which are overwhelmingly liberal. But we are a nation of twelve tribes, and Israelites from Benjamin and Simeon to Zebulun and Naphtali deserve to have their voices heard as well. And isn’t it telling that we so seldom see any polling out of Manasseh and Ephraim, which is the real heartland of Israel?”
When approached for comment, the leader of the True Caring Mothers asked if we knew a reliable babysitter, as she is now estranged from her former roommate.
[Inspired by Ta-Nehisi Coates.]
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