Friday Afternoon Confessional: You know, for kids!
I confess that it has been my distinct pleasure for the last several days to be awoken each morning by someone “hocking a loogie,” as the kids once said, near my bedroom window.
I confess that after back-to-back pub trivia victories, we lost ignominously this week due to the absence of my former roommate Mike, a true master of trivia.
I confess that I’m far behind my self-imposed schedule, but I’ve finally completed a full draft of the first chapter of my long-awaited awkwardness book (working title: Awkwardness). At one point I thought I could complete it between submitting and defending, or between defending and graduating — but projecting a due date at the end of August just to be safe turned out to be a good move.
I confess that this week I made my first student loan payment. It thankfully did not reflect my full loan balance, as Rod Blagojevich’s improvisational budgetary methods led to my student loans (originally serviced by the Illinois direct loan program) to be split between different lenders and a good chunk of them have an automatic grace period anyway (though not the ones I consolidated mid-stream back when interest rates were so low). I confess that I probably have exaggerated ideas of how much debt I’ll be able to retire in my year at Kalamazoo — in fact, overly aggressive efforts might hurt me in the long run if I don’t get a job for fall 2010.
Perhaps I should sit down with a certified financial planner. Or better yet, become one. Or I could start a business making stamps for certified finacial planners to reflect current economic realities: for example, “I can’t help you, you’re fucked.” The stamps would presumably be applied to people’s foreheads. Perhaps the demand for them would be so strong that they would revive our ailing manufacturing sector, kick-starting the economy as they rendered themselves obselete — a true miracle of capitalism.
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