Tuesday Hatred: These Zipper Blues
I hate bruised stone fruit. I hate that when one purchases stone fruit, one has three options, as far as I can tell:
- Gently, tenderly, with solicitude and respect, and yet firmly, to caress the fruit in a spot which is already bruised. It will feel soft and at the cusp of ripeness, and you will purchase the fruit. Ah! But how undone will all your expectations be when you pierce the skin!
- Do the same, in an unbruised spot, thereby bruising it. Way to go, smart guy.
- Do the same, and experience a firm and unyielding fruit. You will be told that even though it has been separated from the tree it is still ripening, like a chicken ambulating very slowly after having been liberated from its head. Perhaps you will even be taken in by these lies!
Some might suggest that you can let your nose do the testing, but I don’t believe it. I also hate clingstone peaches, qua clinging stone. The peaches with which I have most recently had intercourse were also very reluctant to give up their precious sweetmeats, even when I exerted the fullness of my paltry strength on the torque-multiplying handles of the nutcracker. What hateful little wretches.
I hate the following often-observed pheomenon related to omnibus transit. Sometimes a stop is on the far side of an intersection, and the bus will be stopped at a red light. Someone signals that they would like to debus at the next stop. Do they get off while the bus idles? No. Instead, the light turns green, and the bus crosses the intersection and stops again. This occurs even when there is no one waiting to embus at the stop. Faugh!
I hate that neither Amber Coffman nor Angel Deradoorian will ever be my girl. I hate things which exceed their own boundaries. I hate what might have been for not being so, and what is so for not having remained merely possible. I hate myself for working so glacially and using such terrible svn commit messages. I hate Ruby for looking weird, and PLT Scheme for not having a full-featured XMPP library.
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