The Weblog

Home for the heteronomous

Tuesday Hatred: These Zipper Blues

I hate bruised stone fruit. I hate that when one purchases stone fruit, one has three options, as far as I can tell:

  1. Gently, tenderly, with solicitude and respect, and yet firmly, to caress the fruit in a spot which is already bruised. It will feel soft and at the cusp of ripeness, and you will purchase the fruit. Ah! But how undone will all your expectations be when you pierce the skin!
  2. Do the same, in an unbruised spot, thereby bruising it. Way to go, smart guy.
  3. Do the same, and experience a firm and unyielding fruit. You will be told that even though it has been separated from the tree it is still ripening, like a chicken ambulating very slowly after having been liberated from its head. Perhaps you will even be taken in by these lies!

Some might suggest that you can let your nose do the testing, but I don’t believe it. I also hate clingstone peaches, qua clinging stone. The peaches with which I have most recently had intercourse were also very reluctant to give up their precious sweetmeats, even when I exerted the fullness of my paltry strength on the torque-multiplying handles of the nutcracker. What hateful little wretches.

I hate the following often-observed pheomenon related to omnibus transit. Sometimes a stop is on the far side of an intersection, and the bus will be stopped at a red light. Someone signals that they would like to debus at the next stop. Do they get off while the bus idles? No. Instead, the light turns green, and the bus crosses the intersection and stops again. This occurs even when there is no one waiting to embus at the stop. Faugh!

I hate that neither Amber Coffman nor Angel Deradoorian will ever be my girl. I hate things which exceed their own boundaries. I hate what might have been for not being so, and what is so for not having remained merely possible. I hate myself for working so glacially and using such terrible svn commit messages. I hate Ruby for looking weird, and PLT Scheme for not having a full-featured XMPP library.


June 30, 2009 - Posted by | Tuesday Hatred


  1. i confess yesterday morning i almost got hit by a car crossing a similar intersection, just the bus stop is before the intersection
    so, got off the bus, looked at the light it was green and started walking, next there is all that the tires screeching and the loudest beeping i’ve ever heard in my life like blast something and the car passed with a full speed right before me like 10 sm or so
    if i did one step more and i was to, just walking normally, i wouldn’t be here anymore, so amazing
    the bus driver beeped too i realized after, that’s why it was so like doubly loud
    so i hate my inattentiveness i guess, and my inadequate response to the happening

    Comment by read | June 30, 2009

  2. I hate it when clothes in the dryer get caught up in bed sheets or some other larger item with the result that they don’t get adequately dried.

    I hate that the library hasn’t notified me that season 5 of The Wire is ready for me to pick up. Also, I hate that season 5 is the final season. How else will I spend those 13 hours each week?

    Comment by Jon | June 30, 2009

  3. I second Jon’s dryer-related hatred. Fitted sheets are especially problematic in this regard.

    I hate that I couldn’t remember the song from which Ben’s subtitle is drawn, and I hate even more that Google has informed me that it should’ve been amazingly obvious to me.

    I hate it when people won’t let me get a word in edgewise.

    Comment by Adam Kotsko | June 30, 2009

  4. I hate the dryer in my house, which requires two hours to dry a load if that load includes jeans, which, if I’m laundering anything, it nearly always does.

    I could reduce the amount of time via more frequent launderings, but I’d like to keep it realistic.

    Comment by ben | June 30, 2009

  5. i do not use the dryer coz the washer/dryer is communal, and if after passing through the washer the water after rinsing comes out dirty, the dryer would only incubate any available growth is my belief
    so i rinse after washing and let the clothes and everything dry stretched everywhere in the apartment
    i hate doing laundry that’s why

    Comment by read | June 30, 2009

  6. Shame on you, Adam.

    Comment by ebolden | June 30, 2009

  7. You totally *can* smell when fruit is ripe. Unless your nose is broken.

    And the bus thing is a safety issue. So there.

    Comment by bitchphd | June 30, 2009

  8. Clearly what I hate are silly hatreds.

    Comment by bitchphd | June 30, 2009

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

%d bloggers like this: