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Tuesday Hatred: The dishes are done

I hate being ill. I’m better now, but it was still hateful then. It is almost worse that my illness in its full flower had so brief a duration (one day, following one warning day). When the “fever” “broke”, naturally I sweated buckets, through my pajamas and my sheets—so I had to wash them again, so soon after having washed them previously. I hate trying to sleep with a clogged-up nose (“dose”). I hate how long it took me to remember that I own many analgesics which, if ingested, might relieve my headache (they did!). However, I kind of like the phase of recovery in which every morning one brings into the world gigantic gelatinous blobs of phlegmatic green goo. You really feel as if you’ve accomplished something.

I hate that piss-poor scheduling meant I had to miss a silent film which I wanted to see, because I had to stay home and mind the stove—on which was cooking something I wasn’t even interested in eating! (Illness, you know—which would also have interfered with my ability to enjoy the movie, of course.)

I hate the MUNI fare increase. I hate the way the scent of vegetable broth clings to the tupperware containers which previously contained vegetable broth.

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July 14, 2009 - Posted by | Tuesday Hatred

43 Comments

  1. I hate that I am in the office—doing actual work—at 11:28 p.m. I hate that I didn’t budget my time better, so that I would have been in the position I need to be, workwise, much sooner.

    I hate that the shitty NBC miniseries that I am watching on Hulu while I complete my tasks is nothing more than a string of disaster movie cliches. I hate that they cast Jason Alexander as a “rocket scientist”; who’s going to believe that? I hate that I momentarily felt bad about mocking Jason Alexander, because doing so felt a bit like kicking a man who is already down. Really, so what if his post-Seinfeld career has gone bad enough that he’s taking roles like this one? Most of us will never even star in a Seinfeld of our own.

    I hate that my glasses are retaining the bent shape they took on when I stepped on them, belying the “memory metal” claims of their manufacturer.

    Comment by transportinburma | July 14, 2009

  2. Just to be clear, this miniseries is about a meteor that will destroy all life on Earth if it is not destroyed before it collides with the planet. REAL FUCKING ORIGINAL, GUYS!

    Comment by transportinburma | July 14, 2009

  3. I hate dry weddings. People. It’s great that your twelve step has been such a success. Seriously, and I mean this, congratulations. But you have the rest of your life to abstain, would it fucking kill you to let me have a drink or seven on my Saturday afternoon? At the very least, you could have warned me in advance that your wedding was going to be a joyless exercise in grim enforced sobriety, so that I could have chosen to either stay away or bring my own.

    Also, if you must have a dry wedding, don’t have it in like a federally designated historical landmark with guards and docents all about, so that I can have at least a cigarette, or a fucking hit off a crack pipe or something. Or at least not have your wedding be like five hours long. Think of your guests. It’s not like this is your special day.

    Comment by jms | July 14, 2009

  4. the scent of vegetable broth clings to the tupperware containers which previously contained vegetable broth
    i think if to wash them with baking soda the scent disappears

    Comment by read | July 14, 2009

  5. I wonder what it would be like to be a better hater. I had something over the weekend that I absolutely despised, loathed, and couldn’t wait to hate on today. But now, I can’t rack my brain enough to remember it. I do remember from long futility in finding a good one, that I can’t stand Ontario doughnuts. And now Tim Horton’s is being introduced with great fanfare to New York City. As if what NYC and the U.S. generally needs is yet another pre-fab doughnut chain (make and bake, freeze and ship, frost and reheat). Oh for a California strip mall! Nearly every single one of them has a family run affair where someone gets up at 3am to make good solid doughnuts.

    Comment by old | July 14, 2009

  6. I hate dry weddings with so much intensity it may reveal a little problem. Well, dry weddings are okay. Dry receptions suck ass. Have you ever seen the dance floor at a dry wedding? You think people are self-conscious about dancing at a normal reception? Add to that self-consciousness the fact that most of the people in attendance are the type of people who actually relieved it’s a dry event and there may as well be a ring of fire around the dance floor.

    Though you do generally have a group who take it upon themselves to illustrate that a dry reception can be fun so they dance to the Bob Seger and the Bachman Turner Overdrive and try to pull everybody else in with them. But really, that just makes you want to drink more.

    Comment by Matt in Toledo | July 14, 2009

  7. Dry weddings are a despicable affront to polite society. I hate them more than most other things.

    Comment by Ryan | July 14, 2009

  8. i hate the pajama bottoms, they are irritating to the ankles and exacerbating the restless legs syndrome ime
    and the pajama shorts too
    so i choose always sleep shirts of the knee or little shorter length
    the other day i thought about a relief measure of the restless legs, if to hold the legs out of the mattress like sticking them out of the bed, it’s first colder than in the bed, second gravity does something to the nerves
    before i liked to hold them to the cold beton wall, but here the walls have kinda wooden feeling, doesn’t feel much colder
    i can just walk around a bit though or take some medicine

    Comment by read | July 14, 2009

  9. I hate that I’ve never been to a non-dry wedding, at least not as an adult. All my Catholic aunts got married or remarried when I was between like eight and twelve, but since then, all the couples whose weddings I’ve attended have been “called unto holiness.” From my small sample, I’ve determined that I hate weddings, and does that surprise anyone?

    Comment by Adam Kotsko | July 14, 2009

  10. I hate that I’ve abused the non-dry wedding, well, more abused the alcohol at the non-dry wedding, and have as a result alienated the parents of two very close friends.

    Actually, I don’t hate it that much.

    I hate that I don’t mind the MUNI fare increase, but only because now I don’t have to search for change. The BART fare increase, however, is despicable! Costs me OVER seven bucks now to get to the Mission.

    Comment by Brad Johnson | July 14, 2009

  11. I hate that the shitty NBC miniseries that I am watching on Hulu while I complete my tasks is nothing more than a string of disaster movie cliches.

    I hate that after all the time I spent in high school trying to score with one of the actresses in said miniseries, a dude who was pretty much just a louche version of me came home from college one weekend and hooked up with her — and my hate was forever sealed when, a year later, the same dude hooked up with the girl I’d been dating at the time.

    Comment by Wrongshore | July 14, 2009

  12. I hate the very idea of weddings. One of the coffee-makers at “my” Starbucks is getting married. I hate her. Apparently she wants to have her and her fiance to appear as hockey players holding up the Stanley Cup on the top of the cake. I hate hockey.

    I hate the feeling of dread and anxiety that accompanies manuscript submission.

    And, lastly, I hate that I haven’t been able to get out of bed before 11:30AM for about three weeks now regardless of when I go to bed.

    Comment by Craig | July 14, 2009

  13. I hate that I have gained a few pounds since turning 30. I hate that this weight-gain caused me to purchase a new pair of khakis today. I hate that I went to the mall to make said purchase. I hate the mall. I also hate country clubs. I hate malls and country clubs and how both make me feel inadequate. My method of dealing with this particular hatred is to listen to “Only Love Remains” by Griffin House.

    Comment by Jon | July 14, 2009

  14. Malls shouldn’t make you feel inadequate. They should make you feel violent. Country clubs, too.

    Comment by Craig | July 14, 2009

  15. Given 14, and several other things he’s posted here, I’m surprised that Craig goes to Starbucks.

    Comment by transportinburma | July 14, 2009

  16. At this point, nothing Craig said could surprise me. He could say that he masturbates to SpongeBob or eats balsa wood or walks on all fours and I’d just think, “That’s Craig for you.”

    Comment by Adam Kotsko | July 14, 2009

  17. The other option, in Canada, is Tim Hortons (no apostrophe even though it is named after notorious drunk driver, Tim Horton). See Old’s comment above. Put another way: the only realistic option in Canada is Starbucks given that the local coffee shops do not offer soy or decaf espresso.

    Comment by Craig | July 14, 2009

  18. Tim Hortons (no apostrophe

    Aw man, I hate it when corporations drop the apostrophe. Further example: The “Walgreens” chain of drugstores.

    I further hate it when people add “‘s” to the name of an establishment that doesn’t have one. There is a pizzeria in my neighborhood that is properly called “Milano Pizzeria”. People insist on calling it “Milano’s”, for some reason.

    Comment by transportinburma | July 14, 2009

  19. What the fuck is with these dry weddings you people go to? I could never make it through a wedding without alcohol.

    Comment by stras | July 14, 2009

  20. Apparently she wants to have her and her fiance to appear as hockey players holding up the Stanley Cup on the top of the cake.

    What the fuck. I don’t believe you. You made this person up, to fuck with me, to demonstrate the depravity of man, to prove that there is no God.

    Comment by stras | July 14, 2009

  21. I wish that were the case, Stras, but her cake-maker (incidentally, the mother of another Starbucks coffeemaker) was in line ahead of me the other day and they passionately discussed the cake decoration. They’ll look online first, but, if not, the cake maker can likely make something suitable. Why can’t they just fucking go to DQ and get a cake with the emblem of their favourite team?

    Comment by Craig | July 14, 2009

  22. We didn’t even have a cake at my wedding. We had jelly donuts, and they were awesome.

    Comment by Wrongshore | July 14, 2009

  23. The weddings are dry because all the people I know who’ve gotten married belong to the Church of the Nazarene, which does not allow drinking.

    Comment by Adam Kotsko | July 14, 2009

  24. I hate it when legal publications deliberately misspell part of their names in order to incorporate the constituent element “law” for allegedly clever or amusing effect, e.g., “News Blawter” as used in a daily legal journal, or many law-related web logs which call themselves “blawgs.” It’s so stupid.

    Comment by jms | July 14, 2009

  25. I didn’t have a cake at my wedding and no one noticed. It was great.

    My family is a bunch of self-righteous teetotalers, and her family is a bunch of lushes…so we compromised and offered wine with dinner and a few other choices, etc…when my grandpa was seen drinking from his glass of wine, it rocked his four daughters’ worlds.

    Comment by Chad | July 14, 2009

  26. I’m pretty sure that what Craig says about Tim Hortons and Starbucks is true in much of Canada (and you know, Tim Hortons actually puts very small amounts of nicotine in their coffee – they also cleverly have a popular prize promotion every year that last from the beginning of Lent until the end). Here in Toronto, thought, there are two other much, much better chains – Second Cup (started by a formerly homeless dude) and Timothy’s, not to mention a plethora of one off or very very small franchises (my favorite being Urbana).

    Comment by old | July 14, 2009

  27. Second Cup and Timothy’s? Seriously? Tim Hortons quality at Starbucks prices.

    Comment by Craig | July 14, 2009

  28. The weddings are dry because all the people I know who’ve gotten married belong to the Church of the Nazarene, which does not allow drinking.

    But the Nazarene himself turned water into wine, for people to drink, at a wedding! Oh, humans!

    Comment by stras | July 15, 2009

  29. I was duped for both of the dry weddings I’ve been to. My college roommate asked me to stand up in his wedding, and I obviously accepted. It wasn’t until the rehearsal dinner that somebody brought up the prospect of them having a dry reception. Ugh. And with me being in the wedding party, I couldn’t just say my hellos and congrats and duck out. And the only person at the wedding I knew well was the groom, who was kind of busy. Worst. Reception. Ever.

    The other one was a co-worker’s wedding and I received bad intelligence that it wouldn’t be dry.

    Comment by Matt in Toledo | July 15, 2009

  30. i think i told a joke about weddings, so an old Buriad is telling about how he attended a wedding: – how was the wedding? – khaikhaan, khaikhan (means fine – saikhan), khurgen ukhoo(the groom has died, the verb form is the funniest thing in the joke, in his dialect, correct is ukhsen – has died)
    b/c weddings are like considered incomplete if there is no a good fight

    Comment by read | July 15, 2009

  31. There was a bar mitzvah like that one summer. I was away at camp so I missed it, but one of my classmates landed a black eye in the melee that erupted between the two sides of the family. The police were called.

    Comment by Wrongshore | July 15, 2009

  32. yeah, a saying goes ‘nachildaangui nairug yamar nair gedeg yum’ means what nair(reception? celebration) without a fight
    we don’t have a bar mitzvah like ceremony, but have a hair cutting ceremony for the kids when they reach 3 yo(that’s counting the year in the mother’s belly), usually shave the kid’s head so that nice ‘real’ hair will grow, before this the hair is called not ys (hair), but daakhi (baby hair)
    my nephew saw him in the mirror half-shaven and refused to be shaved further, he went a day like that half-shaven, the other half of his head with long hair like girl’s, then finally let him persuade to finish the haircut, so funny to recall
    my niece will have that ceremony this August, everybody gets to cut a small curl and give the kid a present, it’s like as if some kind of welcome into the humanhood i guess :)

    Comment by read | July 15, 2009

  33. nanchildaan, that’s a fight in Buriad

    Comment by read | July 15, 2009

  34. I kind of hate everything today.

    Comment by Adam Kotsko | July 15, 2009

  35. I, for one, encourage your general hatred of all things.

    Comment by Craig | July 15, 2009

  36. we don’t have a bar mitzvah like ceremony, but have a hair cutting ceremony for the kids when they reach 3 yo…

    This makes a lot of sense to me. Three years old is a sort of bridge between infancy/toddlerhood and childhood proper, and makes sense as an occasion for celebration, as we observe the child’s first steps towards autonomy and a semi-functioning brain. Thirteen, on the other hand – bar/bat mitzvah age – marks the transition between blithely oblivious childhood and horrifying pubescence, and is hardly a celebratory occasion for anyone involved.

    Comment by stras | July 15, 2009

  37. read and stras,

    You may be interested to learn that a similar haircutting tradition exists among Hasidic Jews. Boys have their hair cut for the first time at three which analogizes the prohibition in Leviticus against eating the fruits of a tree for the first three years of the tree’s life. While not Hasidic or even Orthodox, we liked this custom so much that we adopted it for ourselves with a big party at which everyone who wanted to had a chance to cut our boys’ long since dreadlocked hair. By the way, our boys loved it.

    Comment by marcegoodman | July 16, 2009

  38. be persuaded,
    3 is not really 3 yo, but 2+1yr in the mother’s belly, it becomes important for one’s horoskope i guess or tell the cause of one’s death anyway and in our case the ceremony works not only for boys, but for girls too
    that’s interesting, marcegoodman, from now on i will tell about the tradition adding your detail, that a similar tradition exists among Hasidic Jews, thanks

    Comment by read | July 16, 2009

  39. 1yr in the mother’s belly

    A twelve-month gestation period? What are you, elephants?

    Comment by stras | July 16, 2009

  40. a rounded up yr=10 mo, sure, we call it ‘khii nas’ –
    from an elephant i hear or maybe from that, with the long neck a guy, – anaash(giraffe fyi)

    Comment by read | July 16, 2009

  41. speaking of animals i recalled a joke
    so Bear opened a bar and Hare comes and asks do you have a carrot, can i have some, please? Bear answers, no, this is a bar, we don’t have carrots, the next day The hare asks the same question and Bear, frustrated, says, don’t ask that again or i’ll shoot you
    next day, hare comes and asks do you have a gun, bear- no, why? hare – do you have carrots?

    Comment by read | July 16, 2009

  42. I like the universe of that joke a great deal.

    Comment by stras | July 16, 2009

  43. I didn’t get to go to the Silent Film Festival either and it’s pissing me off.

    Comment by burritoboy | July 17, 2009


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