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Tuesday Hatred: At this late date

Dearest readers,

It has been a long time since I have helmed this feature, which I originated as the successor to the griping-based gimmick that anchored my original web page as well. It’s been over a year that young Wolfson has led you in your petty complaining, and he has done well. Today, however, he is unavailable, and you are stuck with me.

I hate waking up in the morning. Every morning, no longer how much I’ve slept or how soundly, I hate the thought of getting out of bed. Yet there is an apparently paradoxical, related thing that I hate: I am increasingly unable to sleep in. Even after an entire summer of sleeping without an alarm clock, I can barely make it past nine. Whence this self-undermining sloth? At the same time, I hate it on those rare occasions when I do sleep in, as my day seems to have failed before it even began.

I hate waking up and having to go to the bathroom, because I very frequently attempt to ignore or suppress that need, thereby guaranteeing myself a night of fitful sleep. I also hate the incredibly freaky dreams that I’ve been having, and their after-effects in my half-waking life, as when I dreamed there were rats under my bed and remained convinced of this upon awaking at 3am.

I hate that my hair constantly grows, because I hate getting a haircut. I hate that every time I break down and get one (as is likely to happen today), I think to myself, “Wow, it’d be so much nicer if I’d just get more frequent haircuts.” It’s never going to happen, though, readers, because I am stupid.

I hate mildew. I hate it when a dish is placed in the sink in a position where it can collect water. I hate any kind of standing water that collects of itself, unmediated by human will. (So for instance, filling up a pot with water to soak is acceptable, as long as the pot is then put somewhere that additional water will not incidentally drip into it.)

I hate it when the lid of the garbage can gets moldy. I hate that plastic Tupperware-style containers, when put through the dishwasher, do not become dry during the dry cycle. I hate that we have been reusing plastic plates, originally bought for a long-ago party, as though they were regular plates, because we do not have any small-sized plates for those situations when the standard size is too large. Needless to say, those plastic plates also fail to dry during the dry cycle.

I hate the thought of packing, with all the little incidental objects that pile up like insults throughout the process — the kind of things where you are tempted to say, “I didn’t even know I had this, and now I have to move it?”

I hate that the settings for iTunes always reset whenever I upgrade it. I hate that its shuffle feature appears to become stuck in a cycle of five albums, with no apparent way to convince it to act otherwise. I hate that they removed the old randomness calibrator, where you could select your preferred level, bounded by the hypothetical cases of a song potentially playing twice in a row or else going through your entire collection before anything would be repeated. In general, I hate it when features are removed.

I hate printing. There have been personal computers for decades now, so presumably they’ve had time to perfect the technology — yet it’s always on the verge of becoming a total disaster.

I hate concern trolls.

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September 1, 2009 - Posted by | Tuesday Hatred

14 Comments

  1. I hate that there are still 9 more days until the start of the NFL season, and I have no more fantasy drafts to look forward to.

    Comment by Richard McElroy | September 1, 2009

  2. I hate that I’m going to have to find a new job after this Friday and that I haven’t really looked for one yet.

    I’d try to hate more, or at least harder, but I’m feeling oddly serene for a Tuesday morning. I don’t hate that.

    Comment by Currence | September 1, 2009

  3. I hate American Airlines with the fire of a thousand suns, and I hate their completely unreasonable $250 penalty for changing tickets. I hate that I had to cancel my Saturday flight to Paris.

    I also loathe working 9-5.

    Comment by ebolden | September 1, 2009

  4. I hate Wendell Berry and Michael Pollan. Grey ecology now! After the gulags of course.

    I also hate Chad.

    Comment by Anthony Paul Smith | September 1, 2009

  5. I also hate Chad.

    I am indifferent to Chad, but I hate Niger.

    Comment by transportinburma | September 1, 2009

  6. It’s really belated, but I hate the Planters canceled their line of cheese curls. Cheetos blow. I really want some Planters Cheese Curls right now.

    Comment by Richard McElroy | September 1, 2009

  7. But at least Niger has that delicious yellow cake.

    Comment by Adam Kotsko | September 1, 2009

  8. I hate dragging a bundle of moving boxes, bound by a razor-blade-esque plastic strap, onto the bus and then three blocks further. I’m thinking this will be the only time I ever have to do so, though, so at least it’s over.

    Comment by Adam Kotsko | September 1, 2009

  9. I hate being the passenger in a car traveling on a bumpy or windy road.

    Comment by ben | September 1, 2009

  10. Also, I hate this gmail situation.

    Comment by ben | September 1, 2009

  11. I hate wildfires. I hate headaches, dust, nosebleeds and wind that drives grit into my hair. I hate the terrible heat. I hate coming out to my car this morning and finding it covered in ashes.

    I hate fax machines, and doing business with people who insist on using them. If you’re not going to join the 21st century and learn how to e-mail a .pdf, at least have some class and pony express me.

    I hate trying to get all my work done and in order before I leave on vacation.

    Comment by jms | September 1, 2009

  12. I hate that my hands smell like syrup all day because of my new job in the cafeteria.

    I hate administrative roadblocks to interesting classes being taught, and the fact that there aren’t enough students to raise an appropriate amount of hell in order to get something to happen.

    Comment by dave | September 2, 2009

  13. “I hate fax machines, and doing business with people who insist on using them. If you’re not going to join the 21st century and learn how to e-mail a .pdf, at least have some class and pony express me.” Love that and agree heartily!

    But to balance it out, I know I must hate: I hate that people who’ve obviously had enough to rise to the level of top executives in companies never managed to learn that an apostrophe before an ‘s’ does not make a word plural.

    Comment by Rebekah | September 2, 2009

  14. I hate being a day late to this.

    I hate not knowing a better place to put this:

    Halfway into the Palin-tateuch:
    Palin-Genesis: Take McCain’s offer, head into American airspace.
    Palin-Exodus: “I’m quitting because I’m not a quitter!”
    Palin-Levi-the-cuss: Keep the home fires from burning.
    Palin-Numbers: 1) Sign book deal. 2) ??? 3) Profit!
    Palin-Do-to-Romney: Next election cycle …

    Comment by nnyhav | September 3, 2009


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