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A Monger Proposal

The suffix -monger should be used more often. In the US, it’s mainly limited to the idea of a “warmonger,” but one also finds such things as a “fishmonger.” I believe that these two usages point toward two directions we could take things:

  1. Append -monger to insults — so, for example, one would have “douchemonger,” “assmonger,” “fuckmonger,” etc. The Girlfriend and I have given this a testrun, and it does provide that baseline level of satisfaction of being fun to say that we expect from insults.
  2. Rename every type of store to be a -monger form — Walgreen would then become a “drugmonger,” for instance. The loss of specialized stores for different types of foods might seem to limit the scope of this direction, but one could easily envision going to the “meatmonger” area of a larger “grocerymonger.”

Please begin implementing both immediately. Thank you.


December 7, 2009 - Posted by | language


  1. i’m a blogmonger, i hope the word spreads virulently

    Comment by read | December 7, 2009

  2. chert, too late

    Comment by read | December 7, 2009

  3. meatmonger. . . he he he

    Comment by Richard McElroy | December 7, 2009

  4. Shouldn’t “fuckmonger” be a compliment?

    Comment by ben | December 7, 2009

  5. “Cockmonger” gets 32,900 hits on google. Your three swear-examples all have urban dictionary entries, too. So this progression is already underway, cockmonger.

    Comment by Daniel Lindquist | December 7, 2009

  6. I would do this, but I don’t want to be a mongermonger.

    Comment by John | December 7, 2009

  7. Ironmonger and whoremonger are already existing words, the latter already an insult.

    Comment by John Emerson | December 7, 2009

  8. 7. Mingermonger would be even more insulting, though.

    Comment by jms | December 7, 2009

  9. “Cockmonger” is actually a bastardization of “cockmongler” (151,000 Google hits).

    The first monger that leaps to my mind is “fearmonger”, actually.

    Comment by Satan Mayo | December 7, 2009

  10. There exists a verb “mong”:

    {dag}1. intr. To trade or barter goods, etc.; to traffic with, have to do with. Obs.

    2. trans. To barter, trade in, exchange; (now chiefly) to spread or trade (gossip, rumours, etc.). Also: {dag}to deal with (a person) (obs.).

    “””1949 O. NASH Versus 30 These editorial scandalmongers have to mong scandal. 1977 Monitor (McAllen, Texas) 1 July 8A/1 Professional gossips should not be blamed for what they monge. 1998 Scotsman 6 Oct. 16 They..looked at me as if I’d asked for the best end of dugong in a narwhal sauce. You’d have thought it was the most outlandish request they’d ever faced in 30 years of monging fish.

    {dag}3. trans. To cause (a thing) to change. Obs. rare.

    Comment by ben | December 7, 2009

  11. I think it works quite well with the repetition of the short ‘uh’ vowel sound: buttmonger, suckmonger, fuckmonger…

    Other possibilities: goatmonger, unclemonger, …

    Comment by engels | December 8, 2009

  12. Steve Jobs’ marketing department is full of costermongers (too bad they couldn’t get Scottie Pippen to do endorsements).

    Meanwhile, I am crossbreeding/grafting different apple varieties in order to produce costermongrels.

    Comment by nnyhav | December 8, 2009

  13. Compound swearing is always the best.

    Comment by Alex | December 10, 2009

  14. I think that both “nozzlemonger” and “mongernozzle” have potential.

    Comment by ben | December 10, 2009

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