The Weblog

Home for the heteronomous

Tuesday Hatred: Slant Rhyme

Doors that swing open unless they’ve been locked closed,
Lacking responses to questions my chair’s posed,
The rigors of finding a suitable date,
These are a few of the things that I hate!

Immature shitheads who still need to grow up,
Whose conduct is such as to bring one to throw up
(Kicking them hard in the balls’d be great)—
These are a few of the things that I hate!

Being unable to work without prelude,
Getting stuck riding in th’ midst of a deluge,
Discomfort and illness that doing so brings:
These are a few of my most hated things!

When life goes fine,
When my heart sings,
When I cease to brood,
I simply remember my most hated things
And then I don’t feel so good!

Advertisements

March 9, 2010 - Posted by | Tuesday Hatred

6 Comments

  1. Wow, you’re really taking this to the next level.

    Comment by Adam Kotsko | March 9, 2010

  2. No hatred here, but two variations on this theme:

    1. “‘My Favorite Things’ is playing, again and again / but it’s by Julie Andrews and not by John Coltrane” – Elvis Costello, “This is Hell”

    2. When my family got its first answering machine, a friend and I recorded an outgoing message to the tune of My Favorite Things. I only remember the final verse… “Massacred yuppies / dead kittens dead puppies / Huge pus-y whiteheads you can pop with one pluck / If you don’t like this message go take a flying–[BEEP]” A guidance counselor from my middle school called and left a horrified message, prompting my parents to listen to the outgoing message, after which the answering machine was put into storage for a year.

    Comment by K-sky | March 9, 2010

  3. Beautiful, ben.

    Comment by jms | March 9, 2010

  4. Well, I do hate dog bites, bee stings and feeling bad.

    Comment by Matt in Toledo | March 9, 2010

  5. Ha! Top 5 Hatreds.

    Comment by ebolden | March 9, 2010

  6. I hate time-consuming formalities.

    Comment by Adam Kotsko | March 10, 2010


Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

%d bloggers like this: