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Spoiler Alert Thursday

A week so filled with TV that I completely forgot it was Thursday! (Plus, I didn’t want to be “bogarted” by Erica’s post.)

Now, let me begin with terrible, albeit rather predictable, news: the major problem with the CW being, in essence, a “baby network” is that it doesn’t have the resources to have mid-season replacements to, well, replace duds. This means that shows on the CW have a better than likely chance of being given full-season pickups even if they completely suck. So, while something like “H8R” (really, Mario Lopez, really?) was understandably axed; something like “America’s Next Top Model” is not. Likewise, even shitty dramas, like “90210,” get full seasons–and renewals!–because even if no one watches them, no one is better than no one. Alas, this brings us to “Ringer” and “Hart of Dixie.” Were this any other network, perhaps even NBC, they would have been axed. But, on the CW a 0.8 nets a full-season pickup and that is precisely what we have: two shows that are worse than Gordon’s (one of our dogs) farts gets twenty-two episodes. The good news is that “The Secret Circle” has also been picked up. And, amazingly, “Supernatural” is on track, number-wise, for another season. I believe so much in “The Secret Circle” that I even started to follow @theThomasDekker, aka John Connor, on Twitter. But not so much that I’ve followed either @RealBritt_Rob or @1PhoebeJTonkin.

I can understand that very few people watch “Ringer” or “Hart of Dixie.” I cannot understand that many, many people watch “Unforgettable.” That “Unforgettable” is so popular is absolutely “Unforgivable.” (Hope I haven’t made that “joke” already.) This is, by far, the stupidest hour-long “crime drama” I have ever seen. And, let’s be honest, I wanted it to be good because Poppy Montgomery is, like, Minnie’s (one of our now deceased dogs) favourite actress. To make things worse, we are supposed to believe that there is “romantic tension” between Poppy and the uglier of the two guys (and that is saying something) from “Nip/Tuck.” In this week’s episode we had to suffer a flashback where he “nipped” her “tuck,” if you know what I mean. I apologize for the horrible, horrible image.

All is not as bad as this. “Bored to Death” started its new season and the episode was pretty good, especially Ray’s scenes. George’s struggle with being an old guy who wants to be young could be funny now that his daughter–presumably about the same age as the guy from “Rushmore”–is going to get engaged to an old, rich guy much like himself. As always, the primary story–the one involving the guy from “Rushmore”–is the least interesting.

I’ve often complained that the worst thing about many TV shows is the star of the show: the show would be so much different and so much better if (1) there was no star and (2) it was actually about the secondary characters. This was the brilliance of the early “Office” and “Arrested Development.” Michael, both Scott and Bluth, were at the centre of most of the episodes, but there weren’t ever exclusively about Michael Scott or Michael Bluth. Come about the third season of “The Office,” it was about Michael Scott and had become “The Steve Carrell Show.” Predictably, the show was far less funny, far less interesting, and far less worth watching. And, as I’ve complained many times, “True Blood” would be so much better without Sookie. Indeed, I’d let them resurrect Tara (or have zombie-Tara) if that meant we didn’t have Sookie.

This brings me to “Up All Night.” Here is a plan for the writers: get rid of Christina Applegate. Kill her off. Divorce her. Anything. Just get rid of her. Indeed, for the sake of the narrative, have her death be the “fault” of Maya Rudolph in some way and make it such that Maya Rudolph feels compelled to financially support Will Arnett. Maya Rudolph can keep her daft, naive, and slightly overweight assistant (she’s supposed to be the complete opposite of the intelligent, wise, and physically attractive baby-mama/MILF of Christina Applegate). Next, Will Arnett should be allowed to indulge in his homoerotic ways and shack up with his new “roommate” (I can’t believe male gay couples are called “roommates” on American HGTV shows–the fuck!?), Will Forte. Now we have a show. But, instead, what we have is Will Arnett making Spin Doctors and J. Geils Band jokes (“most early J. Geils Band is only available on cassette!”) while we try not to cringe when Christina Applegate is about to “deliver” a line.

Thursday wouldn’t be complete without a discussion of “Supernatural,” of course. I mentioned last week that I was impressed with the pacing so far. Unfortunately they broke with that: the continuous story ended about ten minutes into the episode and the remainder was a “monster of the week,” a something-or-other with the name Amy Pond. Apparently that means something to people who watch BBC shows that I don’t understand the appeal of. (Amy Pond also happens to be the mechanic from “Firefly.” Didn’t like her then; didn’t like her now.) It turns out that Sam’s tender-heartedness for monsters extends back into his youth: Amy Pond was Sam’s first crush, or something. Since their first meeting, Amy has been a good little monster and hasn’t killed a single human, until now. You see, she feeds herself and her son dead pituitary glands rather than harvesting them fresh. But, somehow, this has made her child ill and the only cure is fresh glands. Sam figures out that it is likely Amy Pond behind the killings and seeks to intervene. She cures the boy and goes back to dead brain pieces. But, Dean, being an absolutist on things monster, ends up killing her anyway–right in front of the kid. For whatever reason, Dean decides to not kill the kid (I suppose because the kid hasn’t killed yet) and accepts that the kid will come to kill him one day. The kid says, “The only person I’ll ever kill will be you.” Dean shrugs, or something.

Lastly, I was sceptical when Mos Def was added to “Dexter” this season. Sorry. His name now is just Mos; he’s no longer Def. It seems that Mos Def is a counter to Admiral Adama while Dexter is a counter to Forrest Gump’s son. Just like Adama is some fallen spiritual leader, Mos Def is some saved spiritual leader. It is all very complicated. What wasn’t complicated was when Dexter hit that thug in the head with a pipe. That was pretty awesome. Even Mos Def was impressed by that move. And, poor Angel, passed over for promotion. When is it going to become apparent that Deb is only competent when Dexter is whispering clues into her ears? I guess that this the plan by the Deputy Chief: have Maria take credit for Deb’s success at the promotion ceremony and then have Deb totally fuck up the job thus somehow embarrassing Maria. I really don’t understand “office politics.” As the Deputy Chief pointed out to Maria when rejecting Angel, he’s in charge of all promotions. When will Adama have Gump, Jr. kill his sister?

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October 13, 2011 - Posted by | Spoiler Alert Thursdays

3 Comments

  1. Since it’s Friday, I can confess I was momentarily confused by your calling Collin Hanks “Forrest Gump, Jr.” I was thinking, “Wait, didn’t Haley Joel Osment play Forrest Gump’s kid?” I guess it’s fair to say I pretty thoroughly separate actors from the roles they play.

    Comment by mattintoledo | October 14, 2011

  2. Has anybody else watched Person of Interest? I’ve enjoyed the first couple episodes enough. I just wonder what they’re going to do with it. I could see them getting through the first season with just a bunch of disconnected cases and no central story running through them, but it just doesn’t seem like it will last with that approach. I already found myself wondering to my wife, “I wonder when they’re going to add a third person to this mix.”

    Comment by mattintoledo | October 14, 2011

  3. The Widow Garrett is on Dexter?!

    Comment by Adam Kotsko | October 14, 2011


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