Monday Movies Has Our Own Advertising Slogan: “Try Us. We’re Delicious.”
The contestants for Miss World Virginity are Miss Rhodesia, a slender white brunette; Miss Congo, a tall black woman around whose hips is draped a string of bananas; and Miss Canada, a delicate raven-haired white woman from whose crotch radiates a glow so holy that Dr. Littlefinger’s pelvic exam is immediately moot. As the chosen victor, Miss Canada will marry the son of the contest’s hostess, the world’s most eligible bachelor, Mr. Kapital, who plans to dry out Niagara Falls and landscape it. “So now I have acquired a lady of the house,” declares Mr. Kapital to the crowd at his home before walking his new bride inside. “A personal jewel… but above all… a purified sanitation system for unchecked waste!”
Sweet Movie (Dusan Makavejev, 1974) is a tapestry of violent excess bubbling up and boiling down, a Bataillan orgy of glorious human filth and systemic violence. We happened upon it while scrolling all the way through Hulu Plus’s Criterion Collection channel. It looked weird and fun. We got more than we bargained for. NSFW images below the fold.
There are two sequences that don’t have images available on the Web. One is intercut documentary film footage from the exhuming of the Katyn forest massacre, where the Polish officer corps was exterminated by Stalin’s NKVD during WWII. The other is an orgiastic romp by the company — it put me in mind of von Trier’s Idiots and their gang-bang — that features scenes of defecation, adults nursing, vomiting, and more urination. A man whips out a giant phallus made (obviously) of some foodstuff and slices pieces off for the party to eat; after he finishes, Miss Canada fishes out his small, real uncircumcised penis from his pants and rubs it gently over her face, her eyes vacant or sad.
Most of these images were things I never wanted to see, and would have dismissed if you’d have told me what I was in for. I am glad I went into knowing nothing. Knowing what I’ve told you, would you watch this? You should. It was fascinating all the way through.
The League of Gentlemen (Basil Dearden, 1960) is a diverting heist film in which a British colonel, made redundant, rounds up a group of military men and proposes that, faced with the precision and discipline of a talented corps of British army veterans, a bank’s vaults would be helpless. Ocean’s 11 meets The Bridge on the River Kwai. It’s a twistless trifle with a funny little button. Their plan goes off without a hitch, but they are brought low by as peculiar a Britishism as the boarding-school chumminess with which they plan and execute the heist: a young boy in the hobby of writing down license plates of unusual cars notes the colonel’s plates and turns them in to the coppers.
What did you see, and what did you think about it?
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