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Spoiler Alert Thursday

I’m feeling a bit better–somewhat better than last week. At least well enough to follow through on my duties of writing a Spoiler Alert Thursday post that not only will no one comment on, but that no one will read.

The number of shows that we actually like that are presently airing is incredibly low–fortunately, we suffer through a number of shows that we don’t actually like and spend most of our time saying, “Wow, this is bad! Which do you think is the worst: ‘Hart of Dixie,’ ‘Ringer,’ or ‘Unforgettable’?” Invariably, the answer is whichever one of the three we are presently watching. I’m pretty sure that I played Muffin Knight for most of “Unforgettable” last night. I believe that I paid attention to “Hart of Dixie” on Monday, but I have absolutely no recollection of the plot–and I’m pretty sure that I don’t care. “Ringer” was of the order of “Wow, could this get any stupider? How did anyone ever ‘green light’ this turd?” I hope before the end of the season someone wakes up and ‘red lights’ this turd. Best part: Andrew worrying that if his custody fight with his ex-wife went “before the jury” that “a new jury” wouldn’t see things the same way. Yeah, a jury in family court in New York State. Good research, assholes. Ever watched “Law & Order”?

In terms of shows we like, “Supernatural” was fairly good for the past two episodes. Especially two episodes ago when some sort of spell was making children’s worst fears manifest and then killing their abusive parents. The twist was that the spell was used to materialize Sam’s worst fear and then send that fear to kill him. Given that Sam is a main character and that this was neither a “mid-season finale” nor a genuine season finale, he obviously didn’t die. Sam’s worst fear? Clowns. More to the point, clowns that look like juggalos. We made that joke a few times during the episode and were delighted when Sam made the same joke at the end. And, with respect to shows we more or less like, say, “Fringe” and “The Secret Circle,” we continue to be disappointed. I guess I’m hoping that both are cancelled.

This brings us to “The Walking Dead.” Last week, Rene from “True Blood” got shot in the head by Rick–and so did Rene’s fat friend. We haven’t encountered any other survivor groups for some time. The “gang” in Atlanta turned out to be fundamentally good (the looked like an ethnic street gang, but they were really protecting old and sick people) and Herschel’s “family” encountered in the countryside turned out to be okay, despite the differences between Rick’s “people” and Herschel’s “family.” (By “okay” I don’t mean to say that I approve of them, but that Rick’s “people” accept them, more or less.) But, it turns out that the roving gang of bandits aren’t especially important, except insofar as they may have to integrate a new member of either the “family” or the “people.” You see, the real problem is that in the post-apocalyptic world, women are conniving bitches who can’t fight their own fights so they enlist chest-pumping manly-men to do it for them. Rick is a “real father” and Shane is a “real man” but, ultimately, to prove that Rick is a real father or that Shane is a real man comes down to the same thing: one will have to kill the other to secure access to the reproductive organs of the post-apocalyptic women.

To summarize “The Walking Dead” so far: no ties exist in the post-apocalypse except the claims of property, children “belong” to men, and threatening to seize control of a child who is, more likely than not, biologically your own–a potential crime–is worse than the actual crime of rape. Well done.


February 23, 2012 - Posted by | Spoiler Alert Thursdays


  1. Downton Abbey wrapped up its second season with a 90-minute Christmas special, which was the worst episode yet but at least there was double of it. The same shit over and over without any changes.

    Yes, it was good to finally see Mary and Matthew get together. But the only new development was how Mary would tell Matthew of her sexcapade and how he, enlightened for his time but still of it, would react. That was good stuff, but it was compressed into one exchange instead of being allowed to drive the episode as it should have.

    Bates’s murder trial shed absolutely no light on what justice was like for a member of the servant class in 1920, nor did it reveal Bates’s character under unique pressure. Nor did it even provide an entertaining courtroom drama, since the defense was entirely eliminated!

    I proposed on Twitter that Lady Mary should flee to America, where she is to have a fabulous roaring 20’s time, and wind up grandmother to Chris Eigeman’s character in Metropolitan.

    Comment by Josh K-sky | February 23, 2012

  2. We watched Boardwalk Empire. I know, old news but I refuse to buy or to illegally copy. Not sure whether good or bad but it made The Kids want to watch The Godfather and such.

    Comment by Guido Nius | February 23, 2012

  3. Also, I am ill.

    Comment by Guido Nius | February 23, 2012

  4. My wife and I finally broke down and paid $2 to watch the episode of Justified we missed. It was just the second episode of the season, so that freed us up to watch a few more episodes. This season has been enjoyable, but Raylan has seemed almost like a secondary character as they set up the inevitable pissing match between the guy from Minority Report (Neal McDonald), Bubba from Forrest Gump (Mykelti Washington, I think) and Boyd Crowder.

    We also watched an episode of Person of Interest, but it was from about three weeks ago. I will say if they were going to have an inner city kid who was into samurai culture, they could have at least worked more Wu Tang into the soundtrack.

    Finally, we knocked out a couple episodes of Archer. The one where Archer got a spy car wasn’t all that funny, but last week’s, where Archer’s mom killed the Italian Prime Minister, was better.

    DVRing everything we watch and watching shows weeks after they aired makes it a little more difficult to contribute to SAT. I’m glad to see it’s getting some love this week, though.

    Comment by Matt in Toledo | February 23, 2012

  5. Not even Omar can make us want to watch “Boardwalk Empire.” And certainly nothing will ever make us want to watch “The Godfather.” It could be a good movie for all I know–we might even enjoy it–but it suffers from the “the fucking idiots who like to ‘cite it’ and/or ‘quote it’ thus making it completely intolerable.” All in all, the most American of genres–the mob movie and the western–are completely incomprehensible to us. We only enjoyed “Firefly,” I think, because it took place in space.

    We’ve been re-watching “Generation Kill” this week. I teach Evan Wright’s book next week to my first years. It’s so sad that Poke ended up on “Castle,” Q-Tip ended up on “Hart of Dixie” and Person/Ziggy ended up doing guest roles on shit-storms like “Hawaii Five-O.” Also sad that after “The Black Donnellys” and “Generation Kill” Billy Lush has completely disappeared from the face of the world (with the exception of the episode of “Sarah Connor Chronicles” where he plays a cancer-crip and Cameron’s only friend). At least Iceman became a vampire and so too did that other guy, but in a different world of vampires.

    Comment by Craig McFarlane | February 23, 2012

  6. It helps if you are recluse enough not to meet those fucking idiots. Who is Omar?

    Comment by Guido Nius | February 23, 2012

  7. I watched 30 Rock for the first time in a little while, and was disappointed by it, as I always am. I guess people are so enthusiastic about it I expect it to be actually good, whereas it seems to be “good” in the sense that a decent episode of Friends is good; it’s kind of funny but the jokes are incredibly broad and obvious. I thought for a while that the problem was that my frame of reference for what counts as “good” in network sitcoms was off, and it’s certainly true that 30 Rock stands up well next to I Hate My Teenage Daughter. But what are probably the two greatest sitcoms ever made, The Phil Silvers Show and Seinfeld, are both American network TV shows, so it’s clearly not impossible for them to be actually good.

    Comment by voyou | February 23, 2012

  8. I used to read the Vulture but not anymore, however as posts about TV programs that I don’t care about (because a) I don’t live in the country and b) I don’t watch TV anyway because I don’t particularly like TV. Films yes, TV no) go. Your posts are amusing and as they come up in my feed I do read them

    Comment by Schizo Stroller | March 11, 2012

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