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Monday Movies Sees an End to Darkness

Here’s how it starts. Snow White is a little girl and her mother dies. But before mom’s even in the ground, dad sees an enemy army in the forest and goes to attack it. After he defeats it, he finds…

Maybe I should have gone with the rabbit.

…a carriage with someone inside. And she’s pretty! So he takes her into the castle, and marries her, but on their wedding night…

…and she sneaks in her blond brother (who loves her very much) —

…and the two of them and their extra army kill dad and most everybody else.

Actually they look more like this.

Instead of killing Snow White, the new queen locks her away in the tower while she feasts on the youthful beauty of maidens. Bad idea! Gives Snow some time to pull one of these…

…and she runs into a terrible dark swamp.

(Or maybe it’s this one.)

The Queen hires Thor to go find her, but after the Queen’s brother Bucky Nelson reveals that she was going to stiff him, he runs off with Snow White, who offers him money to help her get to where she needs to go.

They flee the queen’s men and run into these guys…

…who take them to a magical land.

But the badguys catch up to them there. And just as one of the dwarves is about to kill the bowman riding with the badguys, Snow realizes that this valiant fighter is actually someone she knew as a young girl in the palace.

So now there’s a bit of a triangle.

Snow eats an apple, takes a nap, gets a kiss, and decides no more messin’ around, it’s time to rally the troops…

…and lead them into battle.

(Monday Movies must interject here to note that while most of the movie was a bit dull, from the moment that Kristen Stewart shows up her plate mail through her army’s entrance into the castle, Snow White and the Huntsman is completely thrilling. There’s a bit of very winning castle-storming dwarf skullduggery.)

Finally, it comes down to the Queen versus Snow White. It looks like the Queen has Snow on the ropes…

…but she has one last surprise in her, thanks to Hunstman. (First name: Mike.)

What did you see? Did it remind you of anything?

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June 4, 2012 - Posted by | Monday Movies | , , , , , , , , , , , ,

10 Comments

  1. It reminds me of the fact that it has been a horribly long time since I really was convinced I needed to see a movie. From what I hear there are a lot of very good ones but very good simply is not good enough. I want memorable.

    I saw the last part of Herzog’s The Bad Lieutenant with The Eldest Son. That’s what I mean: memorable.

    I enjoyed the post so I decided to like it. Consider it me easing myself into facebook territory.

    Maybe I should move to Thursday, it seems empty enough & Monday needs more space.

    Comment by Guido Nius | June 4, 2012

  2. Thursday Thtories! I like. (Or Qhoughtth.)

    Comment by Josh K-sky | June 4, 2012

  3. Josh, this was a funny recap and a pretty stark contrast to the overly serious tone of the movie. What’s the deal with sucking all the fun out of kid’s stories? I’m thinking of this one and the most recent stab at Alice in Wonderland. The one thing I was reminded of left out of your recap was the similarity between the mirror and the T-1000.

    I did have another question for you since you have such a good grasp of devices used in storytelling. What the hell was the deal with that white horse waiting to whisk Snow White off to safety? When it first showed up, I expected an explanation at some point. (Was it fairies? A gift?) Then, almost as inexplicably, it just crashes into a mudbog and we never hear about it again. It was just bizarre to me, to the point where I wondered if it was bad editing.

    Comment by mattintoledo | June 4, 2012

  4. Nice catch on Terminator 2! And impressive how little improvement there’s been in twenty years on that particular effect.

    The horse was part of the long mythopoetic tradition of whiskey tango foxtrot. Seriously, I have no idea. You could say a lot about it symbolically — sexual awakening if you want to be Freudian, probably other things as well — but nothing else in the movie had the same brute unexplained presence, and it had no counterpart in the Queen’s set of symbols that would have helped explain it either.

    Comment by Josh K-sky | June 4, 2012

  5. Thanks, Josh. I’m glad the “WTF?” response wasn’t mine alone.

    Comment by mattintoledo | June 5, 2012

  6. i watched yesterday the last MadMen episode and it’s awful, how poor Lane ended, so disproportionate was the offence and the pay, and who is Don to judge him when he himself lives a forged life however trying to be good, not everybody is strong as him, he seems more and more not like a real person, too positive to be true, he could have given him at least a chance or some period to adjust to a thought of resigning or something, and could have won the most loyal friend ever, but ended up with a death on his conscience, wasn’t he guilty in his brother’s death too, one would think one’s intergrity is as if like that, over-rated, maybe everything should be considered always case by case, case by case, if the found fault is not actually and actively harming anyone too
    i wonder who is there left to watch now with peggy gone, lane gone, paul? gone, next time must be cosgrove’ll go too, with every new episode bringing something shocking to be believable, so it’s turning into some regular tv show to excite people with such stories or perhaps the 70ies were really a time of cataclysms
    that paul guy’s transformation into a sectant was like unexpected and unbelievable, wasn’t he a beard wearing, a pipe smoking, a black girlfriend having and sympathising to the civil rights movement progressive intellectual compared to others to become such a believer into not even some kind of legitimate buddhist faith, but a really fake looking sect, so light and shallow were his previous convictions must be, or must be that was a case of that, love makes people stupid phenomenon, especially if it’s just mindless physical attraction and addiction
    i would have commented perhaps on jms’s posts, but the aufs place is a bit intimidating with all the high minded talk and seemingly mostly professional religious studies young people hanging out there, for my irregular grammar, and thursday tv posts here seem are absent for some time

    Comment by read | June 6, 2012

  7. read!

    Comment by Josh K-sky | June 6, 2012

  8. Oh, hey, you should pick up a copy of Leigh’s book, you are thanked for helping her with the Russian.

    Comment by Josh K-sky | June 6, 2012

  9. oh, thanks for letting me know about her book, what a surprise, my help is really too minimal to be mentioned, thank you, Leigh!

    Comment by read | June 6, 2012

  10. i came to add that perhaps i’ll watch some more for jane and roger, otherwise don was simply offputting with his napalm speech and getting all so worked up because of the absent bonuses, the two wives rivalry is boring to watch so then there like really nothing much left to follow

    Comment by read | June 6, 2012


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