Monday Movies Sees an End to Darkness
Here’s how it starts. Snow White is a little girl and her mother dies. But before mom’s even in the ground, dad sees an enemy army in the forest and goes to attack it. After he defeats it, he finds…
…a carriage with someone inside. And she’s pretty! So he takes her into the castle, and marries her, but on their wedding night…
…and she sneaks in her blond brother (who loves her very much) —
…and the two of them and their extra army kill dad and most everybody else.
Actually they look more like this.
Instead of killing Snow White, the new queen locks her away in the tower while she feasts on the youthful beauty of maidens. Bad idea! Gives Snow some time to pull one of these…
…and she runs into a terrible dark swamp.
(Or maybe it’s this one.)
The Queen hires Thor to go find her, but after the Queen’s brother Bucky Nelson reveals that she was going to stiff him, he runs off with Snow White, who offers him money to help her get to where she needs to go.
They flee the queen’s men and run into these guys…
…who take them to a magical land.
But the badguys catch up to them there. And just as one of the dwarves is about to kill the bowman riding with the badguys, Snow realizes that this valiant fighter is actually someone she knew as a young girl in the palace.
So now there’s a bit of a triangle.
Snow eats an apple, takes a nap, gets a kiss, and decides no more messin’ around, it’s time to rally the troops…
…and lead them into battle.
(Monday Movies must interject here to note that while most of the movie was a bit dull, from the moment that Kristen Stewart shows up her plate mail through her army’s entrance into the castle, Snow White and the Huntsman is completely thrilling. There’s a bit of very winning castle-storming dwarf skullduggery.)
Finally, it comes down to the Queen versus Snow White. It looks like the Queen has Snow on the ropes…
…but she has one last surprise in her, thanks to Hunstman. (First name: Mike.)
What did you see? Did it remind you of anything?
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