I confess from time to time to resenting not being able to get away from myself. This is a problem I’m surprised I haven’t read about more. The fact that I am subjected constantly to whatever damn thought my brain happens across. I cannot escape it. Not only can I not escape it, it takes a tremendous amount of courage to even talk about it. I’ve sniffed around the edges of it with people, but just the edges.
“Do you ever have thoughts where you feel like if they ever surfaced, you’d never be seen in the same way again?”
We can ask questions like that and feel pretty comfortable that the person we’re having the conversation will laugh a little, probably nervously, confirm they do and quickly change the subject. That’s always a little comforting, but it doesn’t really get at the problem. The nature of the problem prevents us from getting into specifics. Not many people are – I certainly wouldn’t be – willing to press further.
“One time this [horrific idea] popped into my head. Have you ever had thoughts that bad?” In that situation, I’d hope I had chosen the right person to trust with this information but who wants to be there when we’re wrong and the other person’s face recoils in horror? “Good lord! No! You monster!” I guess for this reason I shouldn’t be surprised to not read about this problem more often. Continue reading