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Friday Afternoon Confessional: Hello Again!

I confess I made some decisions in the past year which seemed – to me – pretty heroic. Maybe they were the reason why I followed with interest the discovery of Miguel de Cervantes’ remains. I left a highly paid job to chase a – maybe forever – unpaid dream. I further confess that, 9 months into the chase, I’m left wondering whether I’m up to it. It’s not about the money: I have a beautiful wife which brings in the dough and, after 22 years of loyal service, I negotiated a fine settlement which bought me 2 years of relative safety.

I confess it’s entirely about (not) being needed.

I realized I wasn’t blogging anymore, a practice I maintained for years regardless of time pressure. I hate being busy. I confess I felt busy for 9 months without ‘having’ to do anything. So, Puck Ip!, here I go again.

So the guy asks: “Why do you speak of this grand vision of changing the education system?”

Damn, why indeed?

Because I am stupid enough to try to start up a business saying what really drives us. I guess. Whilst we all know that if you want to get the money, just talk about near term success. Be specific. Be short. Certainly: don’t come over as a dreamer. I confess I hate all this start-up thing. The networking. The business. All the sucking up done by complying to the stereotypes of success.

Philanthropy is what you do after you make the first billion. Until that time it is cut-throat ass-kissing do-as-others did business. Trying to allow people to learn more without getting stuck in the education system, bwah, who cares? The real question is: is there money in it? Will you risk your marriage to get it? Can you grovel in front of people whose only claim is that they know about the start-up scene?

Scene! I mean, really, am I reduced to an actor articulating somebody else’s lines? With some spaces open to insert something between web, app and USP?

But, I confess, it’s not about hatred (and not Tuesday).

It’s entirely about not being needed.

To be the guy on the other side wanting to sell something instead of the guy on this side who has no need to buy it. So here I go, for my set of steak knifes:

It’s sad, by the way, when satire becomes reality.

So, all my glorious dreams and inglorious hatreds aside: am I up to being a nobody? Rather, up to feeling a nobody. It’s such a powerful drug to wear an invisible uniform in an organization (any organization will do, military connotations unnecessary). More so if you’re a manager. Can I kick the habit? I’m sure feeling like a cold turkey.

I confess none of this is likely to leave a positive impression on anyone that can change the unpaid status of my life. Then again, it might leave a good impression on people that really matter. For the record: I did not just say that.

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March 22, 2015 - Posted by | Friday Afternoon Confessional

4 Comments

  1. I confess that the vision of a renewed Weblog tantalizes me like Lucy’s football.

    Comment by Josh K-sky | March 23, 2015

  2. I confess I am unable to parse that comment.

    Comment by JoB | March 24, 2015

  3. I confess I’ve deleted my personal blog(s) and my Twitter account. I couldn’t shake the feeling they were sabotaging some job applications I had put out there (not out of necessity) and there was always the nagging fear somebody at my job would notice either of them.

    I confess this was an effort at self-preservation, but also an effort to live a life less virtual. I couldn’t completely quit Twitter, though. I started a new account in which I’ll follow all the same people. It’s just more anonymous and I’ll just use it to follow rather than ever tweet. In my opinion, Twitter has become far too valuable in gaining new perspectives to abandon completely.

    This is a roundabout way of saying I, too, might have some interest in a renewed Weblog. I have an idea I’ve had bouncing around in my head I no longer have a way of letting out. It’s one of those ideas that doesn’t easily slide into conversation and would probably be kind of uncomfortable if it did.

    Oh, and JoB, good luck getting comfortable in your new role – if that’s ultimately what you decide you want.

    Comment by mattintoledo | April 2, 2015

  4. Hey Matt, I’d welcome renewal. Just create a new pseudo and post under that one, I guess. As to comfortable, it’s more my new role that needs to get comfortable with me. Dunno really, you jump and then you see.

    Comment by JoB | April 3, 2015


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