Friday Afternoon Confessional: Economizing

I confess that after ordering the “all you can eat” macaroni and cheese special at a local eatery, I asked for a second helping even though I was full, in order to have leftovers to take home. Perhaps sensing my strategy to take advantage of their generosity and get two meals for the price of one, they only gave me a half serving. Little did they know that I was planning on using the leftovers for a light lunch anyway! I’m also not entirely sure my strategy was technically dishonest — after all, as Dogbert once said, it’s all you can eat, not all you do eat. In theory, I surely could’ve engorged myself further.

I confess that I still check the online personals regularly, even though I currently have no need for them. It’s somehow reassuring to see that yes, the last person to look at my profile is still that 55-year-old woman, from about a month ago.

I confess that it sucks to be in a discipline that is presumably among the first to go when schools cut back their budget for new hires. The best CV in the world can’t help you when there aren’t any openings. I confess that I saw an ad on the bus for Loyola’s business-oriented grad programs, most notably their certification in business ethics — I would be among the most elite and in-demand adjuncts in the world if I had that credential. Presumably I could also do consulting work and brainstorm ways for businesses to rationalize their behavior.

I confess that I have noticed an apparent contradiction. Conventional wisdom would have it that members of minority groups have a much better chance at getting academic jobs, all things being equal. In this scheme, a black lesbian would be an absolute lock for whatever she applied for, assuming minimal competence. Yet whenever I actually talk to members of said groups, they are all convinced that white males actually have the best shot. What’s more, this impression seems to be based on the actual experience of their similarly situated colleagues. It’s also been suggested that schools will often set up minorities to fail in certain respects, for instance by hiring them before they finish their PhD, which makes it much more difficult to meet tenure requirements. The explanation is not malice, but rather a desire to have superficially “diverse” faculty, combined with indifference to the person’s professional development. And this in the sector of society that is positively notorious for its (by some accounts badly exaggerated) commitment to fighting prejudice.

But again, neither a black lesbian nor a straight white male can get jobs that don’t exist because every university endowment has fallen 40%!

I confess that I feel really discouraged. Really, really discouraged.